[ he is no wordsmith like wei wuxian. he is built instead to listen, to aid through use of his hands. he is action, where language ashes as though wood left within the hearth. lan wangji is not one to give himself easily, but is stubborn where he gives.
and so, he does not expect an emotional account. were he roxas, he would provide far less. instead, all one might rely upon were he in roxas's position would be what it looks to be inside such dark, such silence.
there is a pause, as though he were speaking to him across the kitchen table. that silence that means: I am listening, without expectation or pressure to talk more than he would want. in a past life, lan wangji went where chaos was. he helped others, no matter how small the problem. no matter how large.
lan wangji asks, to afford roxas time to think on what he desires to divulge. ]
Are you uninjured?
[ he is well enough to make such admissions, after all. but, to be thorough is better than not. ]
[Even after months of living together, there's still plenty Roxas doesn't doesn't know about him, and that's fine. There's a lot he doesn't know about Roxas, either, and that's fine too. Being roommates, even friends, doesn't mean they have to bare all to each other. That's not how it works, and he knows that his own willingness to trust doesn't come quickly.
But he does know enough to know that real concern lies underneath the sparse, simple question. And he can answer it with the truth, in his own way.]
none of this is real
[It's not what was asked. But it's the first thing on his mind.]
they took us and put us here and everything's fake but we can't tell from the inside it's happening again
[ again, roxas tells him. lan wangji tucks the errant word aside for now. it is not his place to speculate or ask if he does not give it. not right now. and so, he affirms. there are not always places to anchor inside himself. but, he anchors himself now. as he so often does, as he so often is. ]
It is not real.
[ it doesn't matter what is asked. people are not often as forthright as he, evade more pointedly. what matters, lan wangji has learned, is full shape and context. ]
But, illusion does not always make it easier to bear.
[ he has suffered dreams upon dreams upon dreams, almost too real to bear. he has seen incantations and spells and curses. that is a point of relation, for him. ]
[It's not real. None of this is real. The life that the AI wants him to have here isn't real. But none of that makes the way his hands are shaking or his throat is clenching any less potent.]
i hate this we're trapped here and there's nothing we can do it leave what if we start to forget that we don't belong here?
[ what is seen and what is felt is more often believed with the mind and lan wangji was no less guilty, no less immediate in his assessments when he was young. assurances do not provide a tangible comfort, something to be held in the palm or with the lifting of veils. but, it does provide means to gain footing on. and so, as lan wangji is always, he is honest. ]
We will not pause our efforts to free you.
[ but, lan wangji knows what it is to be confined. he knows what it is to be trapped within a set space, to be tormented in such a specific way. he knows. but, for himself, when the body was free - grief held no sense of time. it was only himself, a child who needed him. he pauses. ]
Speak with me. [ roxas, he means. all of them. each and any who should like a contact on the outside, an individual they might reach out to. if lan wangji can help in this way, then it is the least he may do. ] I will remind you.
[It's something, for sure. They haven't been abandoned. This isn't the same situation as before. As far as he can tell, their memories haven't been touched.
But there's still that same deep anxiety, a twisting in the pit of his stomach. This is too close to the worst thing that ever happened to him.]
[ thank you roxas tells him. thank you, and it is difficult to accept.
for lan wangji, he had never wanted gratitude. he had never wanted the soft press of appreciation. he had only wanted to protect, to let flourish. he had only wanted what provided to any others happiness, not the portent that such wording banked beneath each breath.
once upon a time, someone else had thanked him. and, once upon a time, each parting after such words had led to worse terms the next.
and so, lan wangji does not offer his recognition in words. he holds it within himself, answers as he would with the lowering of eyes. ]
I promise.
[ and that is easier to give. lan wangji is not one who breaks vows, never one to retract each sentiment. ] For as long as you remain there.
[It's easy to say. Possibly harder to do, depending what happens. They don't know how this happened and they don't know how to stop it and they don't know what will happen next. Roxas could slip into the falseness of the simulation just like that and reject and attempt to bring him out of it; that had happened once before, after all.
But it's not nothing. A light in the darkness, an anchor to what's real. Something to hold onto when the terror threatens to overtake him.
He can't put what it means to him in words, so he doesn't try.]
[ are not most things? but, there is a certain determination in what lan wangji commits to, a certain persistence. in the cloud recesses, it is forbidden to lie. and though lan wangji is far from what it is he would call home, there are some guiding principles that he continues to abide to. and this rule -- of their many rules --, is one.
but roxas need not say anything for him to understand. he knows, because he too is not prone to speak unless he possesses something to say. or, if the words are too difficult to grasp, he waits. ]
How have you been passing time?
[ what good things is implied. it is a slight distraction, a movement from their previous topic of discussion. sometimes just going through the motions of the day, no matter how grim it appeared, made things more bearable. ]
[It's a normal question, one that might be asked on any normal day. But nothing about this is normal, even considering their abnormal presence in this world, and they both know it.]
i don't know. not much. trying to figure out what was going on, or a way back. for all the good that'll do now.
[And he doesn't have a good answer. This isn't the more helpless Roxas has ever been, but he's so much more aware of it now.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
and so, he does not expect an emotional account. were he roxas, he would provide far less. instead, all one might rely upon were he in roxas's position would be what it looks to be inside such dark, such silence.
there is a pause, as though he were speaking to him across the kitchen table. that silence that means: I am listening, without expectation or pressure to talk more than he would want. in a past life, lan wangji went where chaos was. he helped others, no matter how small the problem. no matter how large.
lan wangji asks, to afford roxas time to think on what he desires to divulge. ]
Are you uninjured?
[ he is well enough to make such admissions, after all. but, to be thorough is better than not. ]
no subject
But he does know enough to know that real concern lies underneath the sparse, simple question. And he can answer it with the truth, in his own way.]
none of this is real
[It's not what was asked. But it's the first thing on his mind.]
they took us and put us here and everything's fake
but we can't tell from the inside
it's happening again
no subject
It is not real.
[ it doesn't matter what is asked. people are not often as forthright as he, evade more pointedly. what matters, lan wangji has learned, is full shape and context. ]
But, illusion does not always make it easier to bear.
[ he has suffered dreams upon dreams upon dreams, almost too real to bear. he has seen incantations and spells and curses. that is a point of relation, for him. ]
no subject
[It's not real. None of this is real. The life that the AI wants him to have here isn't real. But none of that makes the way his hands are shaking or his throat is clenching any less potent.]
i hate this
we're trapped here and there's nothing we can do it leave
what if we start to forget that we don't belong here?
no subject
We will not pause our efforts to free you.
[ but, lan wangji knows what it is to be confined. he knows what it is to be trapped within a set space, to be tormented in such a specific way. he knows. but, for himself, when the body was free - grief held no sense of time. it was only himself, a child who needed him. he pauses. ]
Speak with me. [ roxas, he means. all of them. each and any who should like a contact on the outside, an individual they might reach out to. if lan wangji can help in this way, then it is the least he may do. ] I will remind you.
no subject
[It's something, for sure. They haven't been abandoned. This isn't the same situation as before. As far as he can tell, their memories haven't been touched.
But there's still that same deep anxiety, a twisting in the pit of his stomach. This is too close to the worst thing that ever happened to him.]
you promise?
no subject
for lan wangji, he had never wanted gratitude. he had never wanted the soft press of appreciation. he had only wanted to protect, to let flourish. he had only wanted what provided to any others happiness, not the portent that such wording banked beneath each breath.
once upon a time, someone else had thanked him. and, once upon a time, each parting after such words had led to worse terms the next.
and so, lan wangji does not offer his recognition in words. he holds it within himself, answers as he would with the lowering of eyes. ]
I promise.
[ and that is easier to give. lan wangji is not one who breaks vows, never one to retract each sentiment. ] For as long as you remain there.
no subject
But it's not nothing. A light in the darkness, an anchor to what's real. Something to hold onto when the terror threatens to overtake him.
He can't put what it means to him in words, so he doesn't try.]
okay.
slides back in here to slam this down
but roxas need not say anything for him to understand. he knows, because he too is not prone to speak unless he possesses something to say. or, if the words are too difficult to grasp, he waits. ]
How have you been passing time?
[ what good things is implied. it is a slight distraction, a movement from their previous topic of discussion. sometimes just going through the motions of the day, no matter how grim it appeared, made things more bearable. ]
winky face
i don't know. not much.
trying to figure out what was going on, or a way back.
for all the good that'll do now.
[And he doesn't have a good answer. This isn't the more helpless Roxas has ever been, but he's so much more aware of it now.]